The Man You Should Have Married Inc. Cover Letter

Dear CEO of The Man You Should Have Married Inc., Greetings from Stephanie, the woman you never knew you needed in your life! I stumbled upon your job posting for the Exclusive Online AP position and I couldn't help but burst out laughing. Not because your company name is hilarious (okay, maybe a little), but because I feel like this role was tailor-made for me. First and foremost, let me introduce myself. I am a 5'11" tall, curvy-not-fat (because let's face it, who wants to be skinny when you can have curves for days?) female with a killer sense of humor. Yes, I'm talking about the kind of humor that makes your stomach hurt from laughing too hard, and your face hurt from smiling too much. I've been told that I could make a rock laugh, so I guess that's a plus for any workplace. But don't let my funny bone fool you, I am also a body piercer by profession. So basically, I'm like a walking, talking piece of art. And let's be honest, who wouldn't want a tattooed, pierced, and alternative employee in their company? It's like having a walking, talking fashion statement right in your office. Speaking of which, I am also a small business owner. So I understand the hustle and grind of running a successful company. I believe that my entrepreneurial spirit and business acumen would be a valuable asset to your team. Plus, I can guarantee that I'll always have your back and won't steal any of your ideas to start my own business. Pinky promise. Now, let's talk about my interests because I know you're dying to know more about me. I am a lover of all things medieval history. I mean, who doesn't love a good knight in shining armor, or a queen who doesn't take crap from anyone? I can spend hours watching documentaries or reading books about the Middle Ages. And don't even get me started on Game of Thrones. I am basically a walking encyclopedia when it comes to that show. But my love for history doesn't stop there. I am also a huge animal lover. I have two rescue dogs and a cat who thinks she's the queen of the house (don't tell her, but she's right). I believe that animals make the world a better place, and I would love to work for a company that shares the same belief. Now, let's get down to business. I have been in the online industry for over 5 years now, and I have loved every minute of it. I have a knack for creating engaging and witty content that grabs people's attention and keeps them coming back for more. I am also well-versed in various social media platforms and have a keen eye for design. Basically, I am a one-woman show when it comes to online marketing. I am looking for a full-time role, and I must admit, I am quite picky about where I work. But your company caught my eye for a few reasons. First, your name. I mean, who wouldn't want to work for a company that has such a hilarious and relatable name? Second, your company's values align with mine. I believe that life is too short to be serious all the time, and your company seems to embrace that philosophy. Lastly, I love that this role is online-based. I have been working remotely for the past few years, and I have to say, it's the best thing since sliced bread. I am a bit of a homebody, so being able to work from the comfort of my own home is a dream come true. Plus, I have a killer home office setup that would make any co-worker jealous. I hope this cover letter has given you a glimpse of who I am and what I can bring to your company. I am confident that I would be a perfect fit for the Exclusive Online AP position and I am excited about the opportunity to join your team. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing back from you soon. Sincerely, Stephanie (aka the funniest and most badass candidate you'll ever meet)